and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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