Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
