just come out here and I will go home with you...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
