70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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