Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Acid is not a monday night drug
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
