omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
