I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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