in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
