Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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