Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
