totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
