would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
