I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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