Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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