I think I won the penis lottery.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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