one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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