i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
