They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
