dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
