I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
