Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
