don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
