thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
