I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
