OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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