just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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