She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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