Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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