I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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