my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
