Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
