you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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