Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
