she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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