Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Boobs are out for the taking
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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