i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
