Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
