Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
