It's Friday. Sex?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just want nice things and good sex
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
