i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
