I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
