i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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