We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
