so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
