Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
