Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
