Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
