Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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