Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
