shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
