i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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