my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He passed out mid-signature
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
