I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
