the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
