omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
