party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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