Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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