i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
