I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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